What happened when I masturbated in front of a room full of women.
As some of you may know, I run a workshop series on self-pleasure for women. We journey into the depths of our sexuality and share stories of pain, pleasure, and progress. We use witchcraft and sex magick to improve our relationship with ourselves and others.
Last Saturday, the full moon was in Gemini and the retrograde was approaching. The focus of the evening was surrender.
My good friend Mickie landed the space with her beautiful Yin-yoga practice. This allowed for us to detach from the crazy, fast-paced lives we all live and join in circle in feminine softness.
I shared some of my stories with surrender. How polyamory can often highlight my inability to surrender. I often find it easy to access a soft and vulnerable space with new partners or partners that I don’t see all too often but with my life partner, Danny, I can struggle to drop in. It’s almost as if it’s harder to surrender, the more vulnerable I become. I can’t hide behind my sexuality or put on a mask with him. This man knows me deeper than anyone. He holds my heart and sees right through me. That level of surrender is profound, beautiful and terrifying all at the same time.
After I shared some of my stories the women in the room started to share theirs too. It was powerful to realise how so many of us are struggling with the same issues around surrender.
On the last masturbation workshop I did, the women had some huge shifts but I felt there was another layer of the onion to peel back and that layer was the wild unashamed sexual tigress inside.
There was a sense in the November circle that there was more to be expressed. Women were wrapped up in blankets barely moving or making noise. I wanted to figure out a way to pull people further out of their shell.
An embodied masturbation demonstration was the obvious answer.
I warned the women that I would be completely in my body for the next four songs. Leaving my role as facilitator of the workshop, and entering my self love practice, I began stripping off my clothes slowly to the soulful tunes of London Grammer. I begin to find the sensitivity in my body. It takes me two songs to stumble across my vulva. By this point the music had picked up and my inner wild woman was unleashed. Loud, moaning with hair in my face and teeth clenched I hit a peak and the music comes down to a slower pace. I nuture myself with love and compassion before coming to a seated position facing these women. I had no idea how this would be received.
‘Wow…’ Says one woman.
‘Oh my god…’ Says another.
'Thank you… Thank you… Thank you.’ The voices around the room echo.
Many women share how they feel as if I’ve given them permission to unleash another side of themselves. Magic gleams in their eyes, knowing they have found a space that accepts all of their sexuality. They aren’t going to be told they are too much any more. They aren’t too loud, too sassy or wild in my container. No woman is.
After some short discussion I direct the women to take their spell written by my beautiful man.
They read the words out loud.
'Receptive as the moon and flowers.
Divine connection gives me powers.
I’m shining now with love and splendour.
To the circle I surrender.’
They set fire to the spell and lay back to commence their self-pleasure.
All naked, laid bare, the energy starts to rise. Surrender takes place. They allow the music to take them on a journey; reclaiming their pleasure; owning their desires; connecting with their bodies.
It was an ocean of love and sisterhood. There were tears, screams, growling, moaning. Women in full expression of their power.
About 30 minutes passed and the energy came to a natural close. Silence buzzed in the container we’d created as we came back to the room. Still raw and in a state of bliss, I moved our circle on to the deck. We ended the evening dancing naked in the light of the full moon.
These rituals of community and sisterhood are ancient rites of passage. Our ancestors knew the importance of connecting to the body and the power of our sexuality. Not just for making babies but for creating all life in every sense of the word.
Taboo around sexuality was created to hold us back. To keep us from creating the safe and beautiful world we want to live in. We can have this when we connect to ourselves and others from an authentic, explorative place. The sexual revolution starts within you.
One of my favourite quotes from L.E. Bowman.
'Don’t teach me my sexuality is the greatest power I have, and then shame me when I use it.’